My grandma is not doing too well. I got a phone call this morning from my mom that it was very serious. My grandma had decided that she has fought long and hard enough and that she wants to be at home in her setting.
They are not sure how long she is going to live and they were not sure if she was going to make it through the day. We tied up some things here at the house and went over there. Stacey and the kids remained. They were going over tomorrow anyways for the state convention.
I am planning on going back Tuesday. If something does occur, I will head over earlier. We will just have to wait and see what happens.
I am glad that I got to see her and I am glad that I was able to let tears run down my face. There are many stories that have been flooding my mind regarding her.
If I do not get to see her alive again, I will treasure those few minutes that I had with her. I was able to allow her to suck an ice cube out of my hand. She was able to give a tiny squeeze to my fingers. She had the ability to open her eyes and look at me for a few seconds and I was able to place a few kisses on her forehead.
From the conversations (briefly) that I had with my mom, I think that they would like for me to do the funeral. I think that I would/will be a basket case but the more and more I think about it, the more I think that I want/need to do it. Of course, I told my mom that if I did the service; there will be a few bar stories that will be in the message. Sometime, I will have to share them. If I do the service, I will put my message here for prosperity and for individuals to read the stories.
The one thing that I will always love and appreciate about her is her story-telling and her willingness to talk and listen for a long periods of time.
Of course tonight as I reflect on the evening and on her life and "the missed" opportunities of spending more time with her ...... I question time commitments and the restraints that we put on ourselves so we truly can not just be with people.
More later on my grandma.
Grandma will probably never seen these words ... but Grandma, I love you and I hope and pray that you were able to hear me tell you those words and that you were able to feel my kisses.