Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Crying Alone in Pain
Matthew Murray is the individual behind the shooting. There are many sides of this story. Individuals are talking and debating about gun laws. There are groups who are talking about the heroism of Assam who shot and killed him. He had over 1,000 rounds of ammunition (who knows how much pain and damage he could have done ). Then there are some who are posting and blogging about the fact that he posted on forums about what he was about to do. They include the following lines:
I'm coming for EVERYONE soon and I WILL be armed . . . And I WILL shoot to kill . . . All I want to do is kill and injure as many of you . . . as I can especially Christians who are to blame for most of the problems in the world
I want to take a look at the poem that he wrote. There is some "bad language" and thought process in the poem. JUST A WARNING
Crying Alone in Pain (in the nightmare of Christianity)
Crying all alone in pain...losing all reserve….I can't wake up out of this nightmare........ Insane? Am I the only mother f***** with a brain?........
Maze...psychopathic daze...I create this waste
Back away from tangents, on the verge of drastic
ways...can't escape this place...I deny your face
Sweat gets in my eyes, I think I'm slowly dying
put me in a homemade cellar
put me in a hole for shelter
someone find me please, all I see is hate
I can hardly breathe and I can hardly take it!
HANDS ON MY FACE OVERBEARING I CAN'T BREAKOUT!
lost...ran at my own cost...hearing laughter, scoffed
learning from the rush, detached from such and such
bleak...all around me, weak...listening, incomplete
I am not a dog, but I'm the one your dogging……
I am crying here in a buried kennel
I have never felt so final
Someone help me please, losing all reserve
I am f***ing gone, I think I'm fu**ing dying
HANDS ON MY FACE OVER BEARING I CAN'T GET OUT!
You all stare, but you'll never see
There is something inside me......
Cut me! beat me! molest me! abuse me! @#%$ me! hate me! break me! Rape me! kill me! show me! Here is my purity……
Enter this nightmare…..I am willing and able and never any danger to myself
Knowledge in my pain, knowledge in my pain, just....@#%$ acknowledge all my pain, acknowledge all my
pain.....knowledge in my pain......
Or was my tolerance a phase?
Empathy! out of my way!
I can't die.....I can't die.....I can't die.....trancing out into another dark reality as the pain
fades away....my purity.....
You all stare, but you'll never see
There is something in you I despise.....
have you ever seen God?......have you ever seen God?!
have you ever......
Those words tear me up. I am not sure what the answer is folks. However, I will tell you that there are a lot of people in this world that are hurting and screaming. We need to hear their voices and try to help.
I am not sure how many attempted to reach out and I am not sure if he was willing to receive help or if he even realized that he may have needed it.
This could be a wrong perspective on my part and I might be using this to beat a dead horse or draw wrong conclusions to point to an issue that I want to stress ... so take the following through whatever lens that you want to see it through or filter it through.
We, Christians, need to keep our eyes and ears open to what is occurring around us. We, as churches, really need to see what our purpose and priorities are and make sure that while we are reaching for the stars that there are those around us falling through the cracks screaming and we are deaf to their screams.